"Just because I'm here."
It is so wonderful to share my Yoga Journey with you, and I thank you for taking the time to read some of my story.
I took my first yoga class in 2011.
It was a Yin Yoga class, and I absolutely HATED it.
This was a major indicator of the path that was unfolding for me, especially because my biggest lessons in all of my time with practicing Yoga is the powerful message behind resistance.
I signed up for a holistic therapy program that ditched the medications, cold and clinical therapy sessions, and insurance traps. Even though I didn't enjoy it, deep down I somehow knew that it was good for me, and I returned to the mat, again, and again.
"Yoga is not for entertainment, it's for growth"
Quickly, I realized that I was healing, learning about myself, and developing some sort of superpower that I couldn't really describe, then.
14 years later, I now realize that the superpower I unlocked was:
LOVING MYSELF!
Under everything I was searching for in traditional therapy was for someone to tell me I am worthy of being here, and the most important part-
For me to believe it.
I am so proud of my journey, proud of finding a home inside of my skin, proud of establishing boundaries that I once let people walk over when I was bargaining for a sense of worthiness and belonging.
Was it really Yoga that did all of that?
You bet your bottom dollar it was!
Yoga is so much more than stretchy pants, mats, water bottles, and Instagram worthy poses and shalas in a lush and beautiful setting. The true magic is what is happening inside- the things that can't quite be shared, seen, quoted, or even fully understood. It's a felt experience of being RIGHT where you are, in your body, whatever shape it is in, in whatever setting you find yourself in, on or off the mat.
The truth is Yoga doesn't even require a mat.
It doesn't require memorizing Sanskrit terms or twisting your body into specific shapes or "perfect" alignment. It doesn't require that you find a guru, travel to India, or become a master.
Underneath all of the poses, Sanskrit, sutras, breathwork, stretching and balancing, sweating, Chakras, and Savasana, there is something SO sacred that it really cannot be put into words.
My journey hasn't been glamorous.
Many times, in the last 14 years of practice, I have questioned why I even began this path, because sometimes it felt like I was being led into a forest of nightmares and horrible creatures that were all hunting me down. The path to finding peace is not a sunny walk through a beautiful bamboo forest.
I have met pieces of myself that I wished weren't there, and it was in THAT discovery that I found a key to unlocking peace.
If there is any part of you that you don't want, it will grow.
It will become the rock in your shoe, the thorn in your side, the chip on your shoulder, the weight of the world, and at some point, you will grow tired of the burden of carrying it.
In my first Yoga Teacher Training, I felt my heart echo something I'd never heard before:
"I LOVE YOU"
The sound of that statement to myself, from the parts of myself I had always pushed away, still echoes through every cell in my being.
I love myself.
Not because I have an awesome headstand.
Not because I earned my keep.
Not because someone else loved me enough.
Not because I read a good book, or took a workshop that pressed a "fix my life" button.
-Just because I'm here-
Divinely appointed to ride this body, experience these emotions, experience this life, in all of its glamor and horror. I am enough, especially when I am failing to see it, and grasping for answers and questioning the "grand plan". I am the source of creation, simply because I am here. I am always in the right place, always in the right shape, always experiencing the right feelings. I am always seeing the right signs. I am always aligned with the right people, at the right time, under the right conditions. I am always in alignment with my highest self. Each of these moments are curated to walk me back home, to myself. Each of these challenges and troubling emotions are orchestrated to help me forget how whole, and true, and sacred that I am. There is pure magic behind forgetting that I am here for a reason.
I get to remember again.
Underneath everything Yoga has to offer is a sacred remembrance, a sacred forgetfulness, and the sloppy, messy dance between those two states.
My journey to discovering my own wholeness has been the greatest gift life could offer.
I am eternally grateful for every single person I have ever witnessed, even if it was messy.
I am not perfect, but I AM whole, worthy of being here, and sacred.
Every breath is Yoga. Every movement, every stillness. Every position you are in is a wonderful pose, in perfect alignment, and in the right shape. With or without the mat, Yoga is everywhere, everything, all the time.
It's an honor to be here with you, to share my story, to witness your being, to be witnessed by you. Yoga is to unite, to see through the illusion of separateness, and to return again to wholeness. You don't need a teacher, a class, a mat or a course. It is all inside of you, all of the time, and the journey of life is all a journey of Yoga.
Thank you for being here.
I am here for you.
I am you, you are me, and inside of that divine partnership we are all sacred.
Have you heard your heart echo the most beautiful sound?
"I LOVE YOU"
It's an honor to be Living Yoga with you.
-Amber-
Āyatana Living Yoga
Living Yoga in every Wonderful Moment
